Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Day 589

featuring my short story, Study Break
I have a short story and a book creeping up on me here and I haven't been talking about them at all. WHY??? Because I'm behind the eight ball like a motherfucker on Blacker Than Blue: VSS Book 2 and it's due in three weeks. The day the manuscript is due I have to appear in Palm Springs for a four day event where I will be reading three times. I hate reading out loud in public. I hate reading out loud when it's just me and my cats, but I'll have to do it three times in front of friends and other people I respect. Throw in the huge shitshow with the RWI/RWA contest (I'm not going to rehash it, but here are the details.) and the subsequent interview I was asked to give and you'll get one strained Bekah. My stress levels are at an eleven right now. Any time I spend on the internet I use to take away the pain of being on level eleven. I don't want to talk shop. But that's only half of the problem.

See here's the thing, I've had a really traumatic relationship with The Fling, which will be out April 16th. click this preorder it. Now that it's done and my editor helped me give it the tweeks it needed, I am very happy with the finished product. I LOVE the characters. Love them. I want to marry at least four of them and spend forever in their loving embrace, but getting to this point was trying and that's putting it lightly.

I started writing this book at a really bad point in my life. I was leaving a job, suffering from a really intense back pain, a good friend of mine died in a car accident and I won't lie, I was suicidal. I didn't try anything, but I made plans. And guess what, that shit showed up in my writing. Oksana, who is a character I'm very happy with, got all of my sads. Luckily my mental state improved. I left the horrid job and the horrid boss. I got to spend time with my family. I sulked to my mom. I reconnected with an amazing friend. WE GOT KITTENS! I brought more positive into my life and my moods started to stabilize. Thank god for my boyfriend who held my hand for that time.

But let's back up. So this is all going on and then I hit that horrid sophomore slump. Better Off Red walked out of my brain with its bags packed and was just waiting for a cab to the airport. I had to drag The Fling out kicking and screaming even though I was trying to send it on a nice vacation. I had the whole story outlined to death, but my stupid, crazy, depressed brain and my busted back were making it so very difficult to get the thing down on paper and then I would get bummed that it was taking me so long and then I had to do final edits on Better Off Red and then I was bummed again. It was a mess.

Oksana looks like Amber Rose in my imagination.
Anyway when I got The Fling back from my editor her notes basically said "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!" Emotionally, I was trying to kill Oksana and every thing I did to her was in complete contrast with how awesome she is. Seriously bro, she's a sexy biracial Russian chick who lives with her grandma. Those of you who've read Better Off Red know I try to incorporate a nice bit of humor into my writing. It's there in The Fling. I've given myself a few chuckles rereading the final product (not out loud of course), but with as much humor as there was I loaded Oksana down with emo. It wasn't working. Editor and I talked. We fixed it. Oksana is not crazy anymore and I am very happy with the final story, but see I don't want to talk about it because every time I look at that book, I think about how depressed I was while I was trying to write it. I think about how painful the process was and I just don't want to go back there. But I have to suck it up.I have to tell you people all about it.

I've learned a lot writing and editing The Fling. I learned what I need to do complete a project with my sanity intact and as a result working on Blacker Than Blue has been a much smoother process. Even though I'm a little behind, I know I'll finish on time. I've even LOST weight while writing it. I know, I'm shocked too.

So my point is, I have another book coming out in April. I'm really happy with it. You should by it. I can't wait for you to meet Annie and Oksana. :) If you'd like to have a look at them go here. Warning: some of the Annie pics show boobies. If you've read Better Off Red you should DEFINITELY pick up Women of the Dark Streets. I'm calling Study Break VSS 1.5. It gives you a look into Benny and Cleo and leads perfectly into Blacker than Blue. It's also busting with great shorts from some great authors. I've sneaked a peek.

P.S. I know talking about depression and suicide makes some people really uncomfortable, but some times talking about it saves lives. 

Also this rocked my world.


  1. I'm glad you dumped all your stuff on Oksana, rather than going the other route. Unlike killing off a fictional character, losing you wouldn't have been fixable in edits. So very glad you backed away from that, and HUGELY impressed with your courage in talking about it, here. You are my hero.

  2. thanks Beverly. at first i lived for my parents and my boyfriend. i was luck enough to stick around to see that i should live for myself too.